How to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence: A Practical Guide

Emotional Intelligence (EI) isn’t a buzzword. It’s that calming moment when you choose to listen instead of defend. It’s the breath you take before giving feedback. It’s noticing your reaction - and choosing your response.

These days, the world rarely slows down. Emotional Intelligence gives you the edge that actually matters: the ability to connect. With your team. With your partner. With yourself.

You might have been noticing lately  how people show up in conversations, what’s said between the lines, the tension behind a rushed decision. And maybe you’ve caught yourself wondering, What would it take to really support someone in moments like these?

If you’re thinking about becoming a coach, Emotional Intelligence is where the journey begins. Not with tools or techniques - but with awareness. Of yourself. Of others. Of what’s happening in the space between.

EI shows up in the everyday: choosing curiosity over judgment, staying grounded in conflict, noticing when a silence speaks louder than words. These small, subtle shifts create big impact - and they’re learnable.

You don’t have to be a finished product to start. (Spoiler: no one is.) Emotional Intelligence grows with practice, reflection, and presence. It’s not about getting it right every time. It’s about building the muscle that helps you show up - calm, clear, and fully available - for whoever is in front of you.

Because great coaching doesn’t come from having all the answers. It comes from being willing to listen deeply, ask better questions, and meet people exactly where they are. Emotional Intelligence is the foundation that makes that possible.

And if that sounds like the kind of space you want to learn to hold - well, maybe you’re already on your way.

Understanding the Components of Emotional Intelligence

If you’re drawn to coaching, you’ve likely already felt the importance of Emotional Intelligence - whether it's staying centered during a difficult conversation, or sensing when someone needs space instead of advice.

Emotional Intelligence is made up of five interwoven capacities. Together, they shape how we relate to ourselves, connect with others, and navigate complexity with presence and care. Let’s unpack those capacities:

• Self-Awareness
  This is your inner compass. It’s the ability to recognize what you’re feeling, understand what’s driving your reactions, and notice your patterns in real time. As a future coach, this skill becomes foundational - it helps you to stay grounded, and to model the kind of reflection you’ll invite in others.
  
  
• Self-Regulation
  Once you’re aware of your emotional landscape, the next step is choosing how to respond. Self-regulation is the art of staying present, especially when things feel charged. It’s the pause before reacting, the deep breath before speaking, the ability to choose curiosity over defensiveness.
  
  
• Motivation
  This isn’t about external rewards. It’s about your internal drive - what keeps you learning, growing, and showing up. Motivation rooted in purpose becomes a powerful ally, especially when you're navigating the challenges of learning to coach or supporting someone else through change.
  
  
• Empathy
  Empathy is more than understanding someone - it’s feeling with them. It’s reading between the lines, noticing what’s unsaid, and staying attuned without losing yourself. In coaching, empathy builds trust. It lets your clients feel truly seen, not judged or fixed.
  
  
• Social Skills
  This is where your Emotional Intelligence comes to life in relationships. It includes everything from clear communication to skillful conflict resolution. It’s how you ask the right questions, hold space for silence, and co-create a relationship that empowers growth.

Each of these areas can be strengthened. And as you build them in yourself, you’ll be better prepared to guide others in doing the same. That’s the heart of transformational coaching - not just applying techniques, but embodying the presence that invites change.

How to Develop Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence isn’t theoretical - it’s practical. It’s cultivated in the moments you pause, reflect, and try again. As a future coach, your own growth becomes the practice ground. Here’s how to build upon the above capacities:

Build Self-Awareness

• Journaling: Track emotional highs and lows. Ask yourself: What was I feeling? What did I need?
  
  
• Mindfulness: Even a few minutes a day helps you stay present with emotions - without being swept away by them.
  
  
• Ask for Feedback: Trusted voices can help you see what you might otherwise miss.
  
  

Strengthen Self-Regulation

• Pause Before Reacting: One breath can shift the energy of an entire conversation.
  
  
• Practice Patience: This is a process, not a performance.
  
  
• Know Your Tools: Movement, breathwork, quiet time - discover what helps you return to center.
  
  

Stay Motivated

• Set Meaningful Goals: Especially goals that reflect who you’re becoming.
  
  
• Celebrate Small Wins: They matter more than we think.
  
  
• Reframe the Struggles: Coaching - and life - are filled with teachable moments.

How to Increase Emotional Intelligence in Interpersonal Relationships

As a coach, your presence becomes a mirror for your coachee. Emotional Intelligence in a relationship is what allows you to stay with their process - even when it’s messy.

Enhance Empathy

• Perspective-Taking: Get curious. What might they be feeling right now?
  
  
• Suspend Assumptions: Ask before answering. Wonder before knowing.
  
  

Practice Active Listening

• Be Fully Present: Put away distractions and give them your attention.
  
  
• Notice the Unspoken: Tone. Posture. Silences. They all tell a story.
  
  

Strengthen Relationship Skills

• Use “I” Language: Model ownership in communication.
  
  
• Stay Solution-Focused: Hold space for the challenge and what’s possible beyond it.

These aren’t just soft skills - they’re essential tools in the coaching relationship.

The Role of Coaching in Developing Emotional Intelligence

While personal practice lays the groundwork, coaching accelerates growth - in yourself and in others.

A trained coach helps you:

• See your patterns more clearly
  
  
• Reflect with depth and intention
  
  
• Experiment with new ways of responding
  
  
• Develop strategies for leadership, communication, and resilience
  
  

In fact, Emotional Intelligence is woven into every Erickson coaching conversation - because it’s the heartbeat of transformational change.

Programs like The Art & Science of Coaching™ don’t just teach coaching frameworks. They offer a space for you to become the coach - by growing the presence, empathy, and insight that allow others to trust you with their journey.

Whether you’re here to deepen your self-awareness, become a more connected leader, or step fully into the coaching profession, Emotional Intelligence is your starting point - and your compass.

Start with presence. Practice with heart. And when you’re ready, let coaching guide your next step.

At Erickson Coaching International, we’ve spent over 40 years helping people just like you grow the skills - and the self-awareness - to support transformational change in others.

Whether you're looking to enhance your leadership, deepen your coaching skills, or simply connect more meaningfully with those around you, Emotional Intelligence is one of the threads that ties it all together. If you're ready to go deeper, consider joining Erickson’s upcoming Expanding Emotional Intelligence™ course this October - a powerful opportunity to grow your self-awareness, relational capacity, and coaching presence in a supportive, practice-rich environment.

You can also explore The Art & Science of Coaching™, and begin developing Emotional Intelligence not just as a concept, but as a way of being. The kind that makes you a better coach, a better leader, and a more grounded version of yourself.